Pooping is a subject I, never in a million years, thought I would be writing about. I can’t even poop at my boyfriend´s house yet, and we’ve been dating for over 3 years. I mean, I did poop there once, and I clogged the toilet and used his toothbrush to unclog it while I prayed that the poop went down. Sorry, Dave.

But why am I sharing?

Well, my good friend Linda, who is always complaining about her being constipated, told me that the whole human race is pooping the wrong way. I didn’t think that my aunt Sally’s funeral was the right place to have this conversation, but I love Linda and she brought brownies, so…

Basically, colon diseases, urinary tract infections, hemorrhoids and pelvic floor issues, are all caused by pooping in the wrong. You were not meant to sit, while pooping. Can I stop saying the word “pooping”? Thanks.

In order to eliminate waste from your body, you must Squat

Here’s a picture of your colon. If you see carefully, its slightly bent (this is important)

Anorectal Angle Diagram

To understand the problem, you must know that simple constipation is due to the common toilet posture we use. A considerable proportion of the population with normal bowel movement frequently has difficulties emptying their bowels, the principal cause of which is the obstructive nature of the recto-anal angle and its association with the sitting posture normally used in defecation.

To align the anorectal angle, you must squat, when doing your business. This prevents excessive straining with the potential for resultant damage to the recto-anal region and, possibly, to the colon and other organs.

I’m terrified of colon cancer, just because you die and all. My family is prone to colon disease so I really have to watch out. Hemorrhoids don’t sound any better, either.

Look at how it’s done:


And there are webpages that actually sell stools – like fancy stools and all- that will help you keep the right angle while (how do I say this?)… Pooping.

I bought mine, and tried to do things right, for a change. When David asked me what the stool in my bathroom was for, I said it was to reach for stuff that is too high for me and other lies. Then, I came clean (see? I made a pun).

He was actually very supportive and surprised to hear me talking about Mr. Number 2, and told me to keep him posted on my progress. I will do no such thing. Nevertheless, I have gotten used to squatting. Now, the issue lies on the fact that every other bathroom I use, is missing a stool :S.

People, get some stools!

PS: If you are suffering from constipation, metabolic teas usually help. I recommend Kou Tea and so would my friend Linda, who is obsessed with products that will make her bowl movements normalize.